i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
