If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
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