She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
