no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
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No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
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Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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