haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
handjob tips. give me some.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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