Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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