I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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