So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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