And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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