I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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