Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
