You smell like stripper and shame
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
