So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
