i jhust puked up my retainher.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
