Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
