I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
