I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
