Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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