I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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