the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
