She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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