fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
