Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
