he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
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Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
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He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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