TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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