she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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