youre lurking in front of me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
