I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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