Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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