i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
