theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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