paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
