Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
