I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
