i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
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I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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