well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
