Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
