Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
