He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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