two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
