turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
