They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
