: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
