I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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