i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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