Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
