i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
