i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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