either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
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Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize