apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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