am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
