just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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