dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
