last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
