Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
