what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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