Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
