obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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