My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
