I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
