Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Found the puke drawer
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
