How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
