if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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