How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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