He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
