party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
