Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
