True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You need Xanax blowdarts
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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