You really coming over, don't trick.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
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today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
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You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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