pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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