hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
