Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
