I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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